Second Bite at the Red Cherry”

“Second Bite at the Red Cherry” – The heart will always yearn for love and companionship but though red rosy cherries always taste sweeter, taking another bite at middle-age often seems to taste bitter than sweet.

There may be many lonely hearts out there in the cold but plunging blindly into second relationship can be tormenting for some, while many others may have found the warmth of love into their heart second time around.

Like a butterfly, love can also be elusive too, so, never chase after love just to fill the vacuum of loneliness. Yes, it is dreadful to be lonely and to be without trusted companionship to share life experiences with but patience pays. Love bites and the venom that kills could cause great emotional pain and regrets. So, take one step at a time and try not to fall head over heel second time around. It is true that second time around will always be more complicated than the first and until dust has settled and the vision clearer, better stay in chaste rather than regret in haste.

I became single again when I lost my wife to cancer. The immediate task was to love and care for the kids and be with them through High School. For 5 years, I remained single and available but unattached. Being a single parent, priority was to make sure that the young kids felt loved and not to worsen their grief over the loss of their mom. I had managed to deal with my own grief and let it go of any past hurt after 2 years. It was not easy to deal with the loss but life must carry-on and the ability to talk about the loss without any emotional hurt was proof that grief is over and done with and time to move-on.

At this point in time, it was still too premature to search for love as it would have been imprudent not to consider the sensitiveness of my children who may not understand the circumstances of life and may be resentful over the arrival of a third party as this would mean another rivalry to love. So love has to wait until the kids are more matured and preparing them well to accept the situation will be critical. After 5 years, the kids eventually left High School and went into college and by this time, they would have understood all about the need to love and be loved and to have friends and companionship.

It is often the case that when close friends know that you are single-again and available at middle-age, their tendency is to match-make you with someone they knew who is also single and available. It was through such introduction that I was matched to one lady friend from off-shore. The bright side was that the match-maker knew the character of this lady friend and surely her recommendation must be respected. I reluctantly started communicating with this lady from off-shore through email and no sooner did we realised that 3 months passed-by, oh so quickly and writing was on the wall that it was time to meet each other and put a face to our names. Both seemed eager to meet and a rendezvous was arranged.

Although we communicated frequently, there was no previous exchange of photograph between us and our identity remained unknown till this day. While on the coach I began to imagine how she would look like and what will be the event that she has arranged for our first meeting. As the coach pulled over to enable passengers to descend I looked frantically around to identify my host who promised to wait for my arrival at destination.

I thought I recognised her instantly but felt rather apprehensive as I continued to observe her movements from a distance. By her body language, surely she was waiting for someone judging by the way she was looking around intensively at every passenger that descended. At last, I picked up courage and made the approach and asked if she was waiting for so and so. Bingo, it was right first time. To break the ice, I asked if it would be okay with her if we share a meal together since it was lunch time when the coach pulled in. It was indeed a sumptuous lunch that we shared and the laughter and the exchange of conversation that went along with it was very exciting indeed. Both were at ease with each other and strangers from the next table may think that we were like old friends meeting again after a long absence.

It was now time to drop me off at the hotel in the city which was about an hour’s drive from where we were. As I checked-in at hotel reception, she stood besides me helping me with one baggage. I took the room key and headed for the hotel lift. As I closed the door behind me, I unpacked and handed her the gift I brought along with me. We hugged each other and soon our lips met. The energy that transpired was enough to reignite the heart that had remained frozen in darkness for 5 years. I guess she hungers for love too after separating from her husband for several years.

Unfortunately, the blissful beginning did not last long as the toil of distance relationship was hard felt after only 12 months and the resentment that harboured inside manifested itself when the journey went through some humps and bumps and took some hard knocks. We began to see less of each other since at each encounter the meeting would usually be stormy. I wondered if it was indeed a mistake to have gone to bed when we first met or was it normal to do so. Throughout the duration of our courtship, she has never uttered the words “I love you” and I wondered if she still carried old baggages around.

Soon thereafter, I was back and single again but definitely not perturbed. It was an experience that had enriched me with a better understanding on relationships at my next encounter. Men are known to be hunters and will continue their hunt for companionship. There is nothing wrong with failed relationships. Treat each encounter as a learning lesson to become better prepared for the next love that comes around.

My next hunting ground was on the internet and soon made contact with someone inter-state but within the same country. Her marriage had broken down and legally divorced. For several days, she poured her past sorrows and hurt and I had to be a good listener. After 6 months of correspondence, I thought it was time to meet her face to face and to get to know each other better. From her conversation, it was easy to notice that she was still bleeding from her failed marriage and yet to let go of past hurt. She blamed God for her misfortunes in life. Emotional anger and hatred towards her ex. husband and lady partner were still visible within her.

From the beginning, I knew my journey with her will be brief as I came into her life just for a season to meet her needs that she had expressed and to take her emotional stress away and to bring laughter and joy back into her life. As expected, the ugly truth surfaced and the differences in Christian denomination become a major issue in our relationship. This was the sign I predicted and it signalled the time to leave the relationship and move-on.

They say things happen for a reason and that there is no such thing as coincidental. How true this is as being single yet again, I had time to ponder and conduct some research work. I learnt about emotional stress and mind control and I am now better equipped in dealing with relationship breakups and heartaches. If I have not been given the break, I would be preoccupied and time would not have been available to learn about emotional stress and mind power.

As observed, plunging into second relationship is not so rosy and sweet as the red rosy cherry appears to be but enjoy the ride and never give up too easily. People will continue to come in and out of your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and when you know the right one that comes along, you will somehow know what to do for that person.